In two short years we have already outgrown so many moments.
There’s no prize waiting for you when your child needs you less. Well, other than sleep.
And when sleep was the only answer my intuition came apart.
The only expectations she ever held was just to BE held. But things have changed.
I’m not baby wearing while preparing dinner. I can’t remember when we stopped doing that, But we did.
I’m not swaying side to side every night and feeding her to sleep. I can’t remember when we stopped doing that. But we did.
I don’t remember when I stopped being so tearful at them both needing me at the same time, and me feeling like I just couldn’t give. But I did. I did give.
And now the call of silence is greater than noise, and so I went to investigate to see what she was doing. There she was tucking her baby doll into bed,
“it’s ok baby, I’m here”.
I stood in the doorway, just enough so she couldn’t see me. So I could witness the magic a little longer, before she outgrows this moment too.
I used to leave my dressing gown in a heap next to my bed every night knowing I’d be reaching for it within minutes. And now I hang it up.
As I watch her little world from her doorway, I realise just how beautiful those moments were, even when it didn’t feel like it.
Maybe she did remember. Maybe this is the prize.
For those who like to play idle games and watch numbers develop, candy clicker is the ideal quiet and soothing game. There is always a feeling of progress and achievement when playing the game, whether you are actively participating in it or just letting it run in the background.