My First Love

There will be memories we make that will be filled with laughter, but also ones soaked in tears.

I used to tell you everything but it feels like we haven’t talked in days, swept away in the seasons of babies and toddler-hood.

Finding ourselves again, sewing up the past and unpicking bits of ourselves with it.

I sometimes wonder who we are now.

How would your hands feel if not for holding our children’s?

What of my chest if not for the comfort of our daughter?

Our love for them is so great there’s almost a pain to it, a gentle shift in us that leaves us more vulnerable. I couldn’t be closer to you and I couldn’t miss you more.

It’s been years of happiness and fatigue.

Years of fulfillment and empty vases.

How do we move forward if we’re trying to find our way back?

In some ways, like them, we're brand new.

I draw in a breath that feels heavier as it reaches my eyes.

Despite those free range moments, where routine is thrown to the wind.

There’s a ladder in my throat and I can’t climb out.

While they are every inch of my breath, you are still my first love.