To The Friend Who Became A Mother Before Me

Dear friend,

I wish I could say, ‘I see you’ As I think back to before How I watched you become a mother But it wasn’t you I saw

I saw your announcement photo With your baby, all brand new ‘Welcome to this world’ it read And it should have been for you

I wish I’d held you before the baby And listened between the lines Maybe I would have asked again When you told me that you were fine

I wish I’d seen more than the smiles And realised your tears had dried And known your sun had become the one That set in your baby’s eyes

And when you said you were tired I wish I knew what you meant I nodded imagining the longest nights But your body felt broken, and bent

I wish I had known that consuming love And truly celebrated your wins The privilege of being invited over As you tenderly let the outside in

I wish I had known the immense change And not just of your view That even though you were so in love At times you felt lonely too

That as magnificent and natural as you seemed You had your doubts and fears That a piece of you now lived on your sleeve And your moods were mapped by theirs

I wish I had hung off your words a bit more The first smiles, first rolls, and feeding And just how big these achievements were How you told me these days were fleeting

And when you left the house those times I wish now that I knew What was involved, the planning, the effort and all you had to do

It’s not that I wasn’t in awe Of when you became a mother I just didn’t quite see the shine in your eyes As you swayed and stared at each other

I appreciate you so deeply now As I too feel rearranged I guess I didn’t look hard enough To see the woman that had changed

As I hold my world, my bones, my heart I think of you back then How I watched you become a mother But I see you now, my friend

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Artwork: Helen The Illustrator