Us Before Them
I forget sometimes we had a life before them, there’s evidence of it of course, in photos or a glance of appreciation.
I remember the nights out, drinks flowing, loud music, dancing, laughing in taxis on the way home.
Then the nights changed, we still danced like idiots around each other flustered, trying to prepare bottles, find a thermometer or a burp cloth.
I remember you breaking down my walls, only for me to build them back up. I’ve said things I don’t mean just to watch you feel something.
And as I slowly let the pieces of me down, I wondered if I was still the same girl you fell in love with.
I remember happily listening to your work stories and now you’ll get home and I appreciate you don’t linger in the car beforehand. I sometimes wonder what it must feel like to walk in the door to our manic ways. I was never there to greet you with a kiss. I wanted to, but instead some chore would take its marks on my tongue.
I remember knowing each other’s every little detail and now I’ll tell you something a week later that I simply forgot about, but I’ll still text you during the day, especially when it’s been hard. Sometimes I type something out and then delete it, like I just need to know you’re there.
I remember closing the door to the toilet and now it’s everyone’s favourite meeting place. I used to think we were comfortable with each other, now I know we are, on a whole new level.
I remember those flutters I used to get with you.
Those flutters are more peaceful now, like I’m moved the most when time stands still.
I remember talking about our dreams, this was one of them, & on the days that are less than perfect, it still is.
And somewhere between a bedside of ointments and our kids playing in the yard, there became a sudden ease.
Our conversations weren’t so compulsory and we were laughing more. We started finding time for ourselves and I started kissing you as you walked through the door again.
There’s no one I’d rather smile with across the room of chaos.
Some days stretch on forever, but there’s no one I’d rather spend forever with.
This was our vision.
And we never saw it coming.