Your Baby's Temperament is not Because of You
All of my kids temperaments are completely different.
With my first I was pegged as the anxious, nervous mum, I found it hard to get out of the house, I lived ten steps ahead of myself, I had to plan escape routes of the places we would visit, think about the noises at birthday parties, would the company we keep understand? Would I be able to get him to stop crying? Even someone he didn’t know looking at him would set him off.
With my third I grab my bag and go.
I was told he was anxious because I was.
I can assure you, that while these little ones pick up on our moods, they are their own people and not just an extension of us.
My first born was highly sensitive, unbeknownst to me at the time, but I knew in my heart of hearts there were more urgent needs there, there was a big heart in that little body that needed us to understand.
We didn’t jump on the bandwagon with friends to go camping (not that I’m the camping type) and we didn’t run errands all day, or pull out a portacot at a friends in the evening … we stayed home, we did things he was comfortable with, we had routines, because we had to.
Because that was what he needed.
And over the years we have given him gentle nudges and watched him flourish in new situations. But he still loves home the most, and we still have to prepare him for what comes next.
This is who he is, how he was wired, and though he is the most beautiful soul with the biggest heart, I spent a lot of the early years feeling lonely and walking on egg shells.
That’s just the truth.
Some babies are just easier than others, some sleep, some don’t. They’re all good babies, and good babies can be hard too.
So when I was out and about with Heidi and someone told me “oh, she’s chilled, because you are”, I thought… we probably need to stop assuming their nature has anything to do with us. It’s been so validating for me to realise this.
We have this misconception that we will show our children this life, but it’s them who come to show us, and we grow and adapt together.
So if you know someone who is struggling to get out of the door, she doesn’t need advice.
Just a cup of coffee, and maybe a hug.
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