A Boy Will Always Need His Mum

These moments are fleeting little man.

No matter how hard I hold on they’ll slip through my fingers anyway.

That’s life.

Sometimes I wonder if I held on long enough.

But I hope a boy will always need his Mum.

One day, your arms will dangle at your sides instead of reaching for me to pick you up.

In fact, I think that has happened already.

You won’t need your sore knee kissed, or your cuddly, or my cuddles before bed.

I’ll remember the times I wished for my nights back and realise then, that I got them.

And I’ll hope, a boy will always need his Mum.

You’ll stop running into our bedroom in the morning, sometimes before sunrise, when our tired bones ache the most. You’ll stop climbing into the sheets and demanding we get up.

Instead, I’ll wake up and you’ll be in the kitchen, pouring milk into your cereal.

I’ll look at you then and realise things are much easier now, and somehow harder too.

And I’ll hope, a boy will always need his Mum.

You’ll stop calling out for me in the middle of the night, I won’t know when the last time will be that I'll come running.

You won’t tell me you love me five times a day. I hope you still tell me, but it won’t be with those little hands on my cheeks.

It just won’t.

And that’s OK.

And I’ll hope, a boy will always need his Mum.

You’ll let go of my hand one day, you’ll tell me you can walk the rest of the way to school on your own. You’ll give me a hug that never lasts long enough.

I don’t recognise your smell quite the same, but I still see a glimpse of those toddler cheeks and I'll wonder if I’ll always see my baby.

And I’ll hope, a boy will always need his Mum.

Then one day, you’ll be a man holding a baby of your own.

I’ll tell you he’s an old soul just like you were.

You’ll smile because I’m teaching you things about yourself you didn’t know and I’ll smile because you’ve been doing that to me for years.

I’ll know then, that you’ll always need your mum, but just in different ways.

That’s how I wanted to raise you.

So I’ll hold onto those precious cuddles.

I’ll keep picking you up.

I’ll run to you in the night as long as you call.

Because one day,

even when you need me less,

you’ll know that I’ll be there.

~

This poem is published in my poetry book 'My After All'