It was one of those days, I had a pit in my stomach, I wasn’t winning and the rainclouds were following me.
The lights were red. I was tense, my foot hard on the break.
“I just wanted to apologise for earlier”, I started, “I was wrong to yell. Sometimes I lose my cool and it wasn’t your fault.
It wasn’t your fault at all.”
I flicked up the window wipers as the weather got heavier.
“When you came through Holly’s door to tell me about spilling your milk... it woke Holly. I was upset and I yelled. We were all tired, weren’t we?”
Silence.
Apart from the humming traffic, all in our own little worlds, all on different journeys.
I wondered how many other apologies were currently being given to two year olds in cars right now.
“I made a mistake”, I continued. “I don’t always get it right, I shouldn’t have yelled at you, I feel really sad that I upset you.”
The wipers guided the splashes away as my sleeve did the same.
I turned around to him and held his hand, he squeezed mine back.
“I’m Sorry”, I said watching him.
He held on, his little fingers were so soft, I have to remember how little they are I thought.
I could see he was thinking.
“Mummy, it’s Okay”, he said at last in his triumphant voice with those perfect inflections.
“I’ll try better, promise”.
I hope he knows I mean it.
I turned back around, foot relaxing off the break as the lights turned green.
“Mummy?”
.
“Yes Harry”?
“It’s not sunny today, Mummy”
“No darling, it’s not”.
.
But I could see it peeking through.