As they grew from babies
And their measurements climbed the wall
Four years in permanent marker
And how they grew so tall.
They’d say it must be nice
To finally have my life
Back as if I lost it
Like I simply left it behind.
As they grew from babies
The heaviness did rest
Like rising out of water
No weight upon my chest.
But did my life go missing?
Was I just biding time?
Searching for a place I knew
A place no longer mine?
As they grew from babies
Their words no longer broken
No longer did I wait to heal
Forever now cracked open.
‘Your life back’ they would say
As fragments of my time
Would show up in full hours
But what about this life?
As they grew from babies
Was I fishing for those days?
Trying to reel them in
As if wishing this away
For why is everything lost
Do we simply veer off track?
My body, my time, and yes my life
Why must we get everything “back”?
As they grew from babies
I learnt to leave some room
For life had plans as well as mine
I did some growing too.
Oh sweet old life, I want to say
It isn’t you, it’s me
When you are growing
How could you ever,
resume normality?
As they grew from babies
Their newborn smell long gone
With that girl from long ago
The one I sometimes mourned.
Is my beating heart not proof?
This life, it did not end
It beats to a new rhythm now
It beats for me and beats for them.
So as they grew from babies
I knew I wasn’t the same
And this life that I once had
In the best way would be changed.
So I am no longer searching
I am no longer running
They are my life. 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞.
And I am now becoming.