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  • Writer's pictureJessica Urlichs

"But You Finally Have Your Life Back"

As they grew from babies

And their measurements climbed the wall

Four years in permanent marker

And how they grew so tall.

They’d say it must be nice

To finally have my life

Back as if I lost it

Like I simply left it behind.

As they grew from babies

The heaviness did rest

Like rising out of water

No weight upon my chest.

But did my life go missing?

Was I just biding time?

Searching for a place I knew

A place no longer mine?

As they grew from babies

Their words no longer broken

No longer did I wait to heal

Forever now cracked open.

‘Your life back’ they would say

As fragments of my time

Would show up in full hours

But what about this life?

As they grew from babies

Was I fishing for those days?

Trying to reel them in

As if wishing this away

For why is everything lost

Do we simply veer off track?

My body, my time, and yes my life

Why must we get everything “back”?

As they grew from babies

I learnt to leave some room

For life had plans as well as mine

I did some growing too.

Oh sweet old life, I want to say

It isn’t you, it’s me

When you are growing

How could you ever,

resume normality?

As they grew from babies

Their newborn smell long gone

With that girl from long ago

The one I sometimes mourned.

Is my beating heart not proof?

This life, it did not end

It beats to a new rhythm now

It beats for me and beats for them.

So as they grew from babies

I knew I wasn’t the same

And this life that I once had

In the best way would be changed.

So I am no longer searching

I am no longer running

They are my life. 𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞.

And I am now becoming.

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