I'm Always Asking When
The cliché sayings
They’re only little once
Enjoy every moment
When will you stop growing?
I guess there’s some weaving of truth in these.
I spent the early days wondering about the when.
When will he crawl?
When will he walk?
When will I get a moment of silence?
When will he start sleeping through the night?
When will I get some alone time?
And it’s always too soon.
When the crying becomes behind closed doors.
When the hugs become few and far between.
When the silence becomes a feeling of longing.
I don’t want to realise only then, there’s no rewind button, that he was stepping out of the versions of himself before my eyes like new shoes.
This is not the dress rehearsal for the rest of my life.
I look at his smudged fingerprints across the windows, hoping to recollect them one day instead of reaching for a cloth.
And I think “When will you stop growing”? My lesson to not be so intent on knowing, when.