I suppose the hardest thing
If you really must know
Wasn’t the pregnancy or birth
But the information overload
The second they arrive
The paperwork begins
Charts, schedules, pamphlets
The birth of the admin
It will come at you in all forms
What you should do
What they need
While you’re still wearing adult nappies
And working out how to feed
Yes there will be noise
To the things you don’t ‘adhere’
You’ll forget you know them best
Instead, you’ll start to compare
You’ll tentatively ask some questions
After night 3 you’ll be in a state
You’ll tell them of that sleepless night
Someone will pipe up, “just you wait”
You’ll be told about the cues
About this that and the other
Nodding while trying to transfer him
from one arm to the other
And while the lights are shining
On the experts and their peers
We begin to dim our own
When we’ve been doing this for years
Books, subscriptions, apps
While they’re there to help
If you search the index
The word ‘Instinct’ was left out
They’ll talk of independence
A grown up word no less
Moulded to fit the narrative
That sleep is the only success
They’ll speak about the regressions
And all their different cries
You’ll google search the lot
Forgetting you have ears and eyes
Maybe now we’re learning
This thing that sets us apart
Is leaning into ourselves
And trusting what’s in our heart
And I know it’s hard
This whole, not knowing
But with each cry,
each gaze,
each day.
You’re growing.
And while there will be suggestions
You’ll get them on the daily
With the best intentions
And you’ll listen to some,
Maybe
But please take a deep breath, Mama.
Because you’ve JUST had a baby.
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