You were all I knew,
Before one became two
You weren’t my tiny baby anymore,
even though a baby, you were.
Just us, no longer.
No longer just us.
And when you both cried, I would cry too.
My first home.
My first teacher.
The bigger you felt in my arms,
the heavier my heart.
People would come over, “have some time with the baby”, they would say. And they would take my baby away.
I felt I needed to pull over and ask for directions, the neighbourhood was familiar but the street names had changed and I wanted to find my way back to you.
Then, you took her tiny hand in yours and I realised what I had given you.
What I had given us.
Nothing felt harder,
but nothing was easier than loving you both.
There were days I couldn’t divide myself, where I’d fantasise of splitting myself in two.
but please know, you walk around with my heart as does she.
So in some ways I’ll always be,
in two places at once.