“Start as you mean to go on”. I read that quote across many parenting books. Ones that would make me think that somehow I would go into motherhood knowing exactly how I was going to parent from the get go and all would be fine if we started something the “right way”, whatever that was.
But the notion we will start something and stick to it means we aren’t learning and growing with them. I’ve learnt so much from them already.
How beautiful their world is, when I surrender into theirs instead of pulling them into mine.
How this age won’t keep, but the memories will when I slow down, just a little.
How I don’t need to be the ‘perfect mum’ with perfect lunchboxes and perfect rooms styled with a Pinterest paintbrush. While I appreciate a beautifully styled room, they don’t.
How I won’t spoil them by going to them when they need me, how “rods” and “habits” should be replaced with words such as “instinct” and “trust”.
How resilient mothers are. I’ve been knocked down in the throes of motherhood many times, but I always get back up. Some days I feel as if I’m made of glass but it’s that unbreakable love that holds me together.
How all this “dependence” and this “picking them up” will one day become independence and my arms will be empty and so will their rooms. But I hope they’ll still fall into my arms when they need me, no matter their age.
With shakey steps out of the hospital and my mind full of worries, I wondered,
How were they letting me leave with this tiny fragile human?
What if I didn’t get it right?
What about all those habits?
and all those rods?
Today we can barely make out the start line when we look back.
And you won’t look back.
Start as you mean to.