Thought's about having a third (after one of those days)
Doesn’t the mood shift when they fall asleep? With yourself, with your husband?
Today was one of those days where my brain just held my tongue hostage all day, bending down was too difficult, and I was replying “YEE-SSS” in that flat exasperated two tone… you know the one.
I started to worry about how I was going to juggle a third in a few months time.
The thought actually frightened me as I watched the kids running tornados around me, leaving trails of crap everywhere, and I kept squinting my eyes shut in the hope of reducing the noise, it never works.
Yes these are the days, but you also have the days where you could actually stick a fork in your eye and it might relieve the tension of the headache from your mum bun.
It’s crazy thinking we’ll be back to nappies soon, newborn cries, troubleshooting, that I’ll be announcing my trips to the toilet to my husband for another few years to come.
I get lost in the future memories too, I daydream of meeting her, them meeting her… but the part of my brain that I suppressed for so long has been tapping away lately saying, “you think you can do this?”, “Do you have enough time for 3?!”.
I’m used to leaving the house without checking myself in the mirror, I’m used to broken sleep.. but I emerged out of the fog a while ago and I can see it coming for me in the distance, it’s scary.
Will I be better at self care?
Better at asking for help?
Will I be better at this?
I know people wonder why you want more when it’s so hard at times. I wondered the same before I had kids. But this immediate, rush into your heart with urgency type of love… it’s just something no hard day can overshadow.
It’s the knowing and not knowing what’s ahead of me.
It’s being incredibly excited and nervous.
It’s being experienced enough to know a thing or two, and because of that experience, knowing there will be days I’ll be starting from new.