Two Under Two

Two Under Two

You will worry, can my body handle this? Am I mentally ready to go through birth all over again? Your worries will become an ocean before you learn to ride the waves, you’ll get tossed about, but you will ride them.

You’ll wonder, if you could possibly love another as much as you loved your first. You’ll cry at the longing you already feel over halving your heart. Then you’ll lock eyes, and your heart will expand so much it aches.

You’ll feel guilt to your core, having to decide whose needs come first when they’re both crying. Guilt over promoting your first to ‘oldest’, when they’re still your little baby. When they first meet you’ll be overwhelmed with contentment and confusion.

But it was meant to be this way, you won’t be able to imagine life before your family of four.

Being tired will become a part of you. Some nights your head will only hit the pillow for seconds before it’s up again. Sleep will become a distant memory. But so will these cuddles and the need for your comfort, probably not far apart from each other.

Friends will ask you to come out with them, you’ll try and piece together their routines around their different stages and different nap times. You’ll feel defeated at simply getting out the door. Eventually you will, exhausted and now with a backpack, but it will happen.

There will be days where every point feels like breaking point, on those days you’ll wonder where the beauty is in all of this.

Then you’ll realise there were so many pockets of beauty, only now you can catch your breath to see them.

Surrender to the waves.

Take each day as it comes

Forgive yourself.

It might be survival mode in the beginning but it quickly becomes what you live for.

It’s crazy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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